Is it “Leaning or Leading”?

During the days and years past we’ve noticed it leaning; a bolt pulled through its plastic base. That was the culprit.  Why doesn’t someone repair it?  The lone goal post leaning to the right as we approached it from west to east.  With each walk I continued to wonder the same.  Circling around the post firmly settled at the end of Jonathan (no cul-de-sac, just a dead end).  There it loomed, a shadow against the wooded night and a barrier to passing during the day.

The discovery was revealing as I questioned the “Why”.  Then the resolve, maybe it was I.  Yes, I became the outflow and fulfillment of the “why”.  Though I don’t play basketball and I haven’t used the goal as other children do (Yes, I too am a child.). Just maybe that someone was me.  I then resolved to repair it someday.

This thought stayed with me until one day my resolve became intentional. It was yesterday.  I gathered my tools, a new bolt, nut and fender washer and penetrating oil before I began my walk to repair the goal post.  As I walked the half mile or so to the end of Jonathan, I continually envisioned the post standing tall and plumb from top to bottom.  Children playing basketball using the goal to strengthen their skills during after school play.  Feeling empowered and  equipped, I marched forward with resolve and intention to my morning goal.

Kneeling beside the base of the post, I realized that I had a bolt too large for the hole.  1/16 of an inch too large.  Then the discovery.  There was a fresh new bolt on the plastic base; just the right size.  What I needed was already there for repair.  It’s as if God knew that I was coming.  What I needed was already there for me.  Much like he has prepared you and me with all that we need is within us when we call upon His spirit.

We simply need to become aware. Discover that which is already within us, identify the goal that will move us forward toward our destiny, become intentional, identify the barriers, clear the hurdles and move toward the light.  We can choose to delay or we can move into action.  The leaning goal post is much like us when we are ill prepared vs. being in repair.  We can nurse the past or choose to move forward. Let’s choose to move forward.

This I know.  When I repaired the goal post, I felt better.   Sharing this story with you, I feel better.  When we share our lives with each other, we feel better.  When we move toward our destiny, we become empowered, filled with energy and passionate in the fulfillment of our destiny.  I really like this verse of scripture that many are familiar with.  Scotty McCreery, American Idol has made it come alive for many.  Jesus makes it come alive for all.

Philippians 4:13 which reads, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

Blessings as we share our lives in Him; in belief, in faith and in action.  Brother Ben

Dagwood Opens bait and tackle shop

FOR THE DAILY SOUTHERNER Rick Goines

The Daily Southerner — Those of us fortunate enough to see our eighth decade on God’s green earth will probably be looking for an easy chair and someone to wait on us. Not Dagwood! John Abrams, called Dagwood since he was a toddler, is 82 years young and has recently opened Dagwood’s Bait And Tackle at his home on Bogey Street, a block off North Carolina highway 33 near Tarboro: Make a right turn on Dowens, just past the Edgecombe-Martin EMC, then a right on Bogey. Dagwood’s is down on the left. Look for his yard signs.

Dagwood is well known in these parts as a very skilled carpenter. It’s like a Tarboro catch phrase to hear, “Dagwood built that…” It’s hard to drive around Edgecombe County, and not see some of his handiwork. This very talented man is also quite well known as an accomplished pool player.

Dagwood built a cricket box for his son, John N. Abrams, II, of Tarboro, who said, “Daddy, that’s too pretty to put in my garage.” The well-built cricket box got the bait shop idea going.   

Conveniently located near Etheridge Pond, Dagwood’s Bait And Tackle has everything you need for a successful pond outing. Minnows, crickets, worms, bait containers, hooks, bobbers, sinkers, cane poles, even Nabs & drinks. Dagwood offers reasonably priced bait to pond anglers, some of who are not fishing just for fun, but for food.

Customer service, the likes of which is unheard of in this day and time. I asked his open hours, and he said just toot the horn any hour day or night, and I will come out to help you. He even offers curb service, if you don’t want to get out of the car.

If you want to, pull up a chair, sit, talk, rest your face and hands; Dagwood’s is the place to do it. He loves to chat, and talk fishing. Enthusiasm pours out of this man. This is not a high profit venture for Dagwood, but I will guarantee you he didn’t get in this business for the money. You can tell right away that he flat-out enjoys what he is doing. Dagwood and his wife of 46 years, Frances H. Abrams, just love people, and it shows in everything they say and do.

I intend to support Dagwood Bait & Tackle, and I encourage you to do the same. This nice man deserves your business. Stop by and let some of that wonderful, contagious enthusiasm rub off on you.

Etheridge Pond is a great place for family fishing fun. Open 24/7 it is free, and always provides you plenty of fishing space, pier or bank. N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission has recently installed a floating fish feeder that feeds the fish 14 times a day.  In addition to that, the NCWRC stocks the 27-acre pond with bream, catfish, bass, and crappie April through October.

Etheridge Pond is officially part of the Robert Barnhill Public Fishing Areas. From US 64 near Tarboro, take Exit 487 and go south on N.C. 33. Go .2 mile and right on Dowens St. (SR 1624). Go to the first street and turn right on Bogey St. (SR 1625), follow Bogey St., go past bend in the road to left and road will proceed along bank of pond.

Looks like a good place to visit.  Grandpa Ben

It’s all been placed within you to soar.  Are you aware that you are already inspired?  To love, to encourage, to be encouraged?  Yes, to grow beyond your wildest dreams.  This life is a challenge for all of us.  It seems that some just float through life seamlessly. Truth be known, that’s not reality.  Reality is that all of us struggle.  Some more than others.  Some less than others.  In my life I have been encouraged to allow myself to be loved by my creator and those around me.  This makes all the difference in the world to me, my family and to those God places in my pathway.  Allow yourself to be loved and to be encouraged.  I and others are available 24-hours each day to meet you where you are without judgment, with open arms.  We are life and business coaches in alignment with Biblical Teachings.

Send me a note and let me know where you hurt, where you are broken, where you struggle and I’ll help you or connect you with a soul and kindred spirit anywhere in the world to help you with inner discovery to reach your destiny.  That’s my pledge, that’s my commitment.  Jesus has placed it within me to be an encouragement to you; to help you soar to be all that you have been created to be.  Amen

(www.ask-dont-tell.com,  www.ffcgo.com,  www.inspiredwellnesscoaching.com.

You can reach me anytime on my cell at 919.696.3034.  If you encounter my voice mail, just leave me a message and I will return your call within the following business day where you live.  Or, my email, benisinspired@gmail.com.  Nothing fancy here, just my heart’s desire to help heal your broken heart and for you to soar, wherever you live.  Your brother, Ben

https://sites.google.com/site/coachoncallben/ben-wants-to-inspire-you-to-soar-1

Jerry and Sharon Graham have in some wondrous way connected me with Laura.  We’ve talked for a while and found a deep and abiding connection in Jesus.  Please visit Laura’s first post on her new blog using the link above.  You will be encouraged and will be an encouragement to Laura and her husband Bill.  My comments on Laura’s blog follow.

SPIRIT of Wisdom

Thank you Laura for opening my eyes wider than before with your words of wisdom.  Your writing style is very engaging.  What struck me most in Proverbs 8 as I read it again with your words was this part of your writing…”It’s not the wisdom of knowing everything, but knowing you don’t know, and connecting to the One who does.”  More often than not we think of wisdom as having knowledge.  You’ve done an incredible work in helping understanding that wisdom is also in having the awareness that we don’t know everything and that God is our source and He is all knowing.  I know this may sound elementary, but we often think that we are the wise person because of life experiences, education, connections and relationships with others.  What is truly remarkable is having the Spirit of Wisdom to Seek HIM First. Blessings and thank you for encouraging me when I hear your voice and read HIS Word. Brother Ben

Finding Love and Trust in All the Right Places

Do you remember your moments in brokenness? I certainly do.  These moments have been for extended periods in my life when I found myself separated from Jesus.  Yes, from Him.  How often do we think of brokenness when our children or even when we run astray; away from the teachings of our Holy Bible and Jesus himself.  I’m not talking about the law as outlined in the Old Testament; I’m talking about times in our thoughts and actions that are clearly opposed to what we have been called to, or in ways in which Jesus has instructed us.

Today I’m reminded of a time when I was clearly out of God’s perfect will for me.  I was working with a large international company with 3 letters that remind us of Big Blue.  Yes, that company.  It was my responsibility to manage and develop high performance sales and marketing teams.  We were doing well but there was this issue that continued to bother me and many others within our organization.  You know, you’ve managed through similar circumstances.  It’s always so easy to look at the other person and find fault, then when you pause (though it may take you 15 – 20 years), it comes to you that you are as much of the problem as the solution.  Without getting into the challenges, suffice it to say that in reflection, my behavior was not at all what my Lord wanted for me.  Possibly I wasn’t approachable and that’s why the issue festered.  But now, in the grand scheme of things, the issue was pretty small potatoes.  No big thing.

It was in my brokenness that victory is emerging.  Today, some 24 years later, in looking back it occurs to me that it was I who was broken.  I don’t suggest that he was right in his actions or that he himself wasn’t broken.  But, it was me that I know that Jesus was and continues to work with.   It was Jesus that I had hoped to emulate.  However, it was the dark side that I was more reflective of.  While I know that behaviors and actions can separate us from my Jesus and Savior; the greatest brokenness is not to know him in an intimate way.  I know Him without any doubt and hope that my life today is a better reflection of the True Light that He is within me.

The supreme brokenness is not to know Him at all. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (with Him In Heaven).  John 3:16

And then Paul said …”I am crucified with Christ; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20

The Victory in Brokenness is the discovery of Jesus and the reuniting with Jesus when we move from brokenness into His light.   From independence to dependence upon Him.  Is your purpose to honor and Glorify our Father?  Food for thought!

And now I must find that fellow that I was upset with and ask his forgiveness for my expressed feelings towards him some 24 years ago as this in some way has separated me from Christ.  The more I seek, the greater the discovery of the wholesomeness and beauty of our Creator and Savior, Jesus.    Thank you Jesus for revealing my  brokenness and separation from you.  Amen and Amen!

Please join my brother and sister (Renato and Patrizia Amato from Italy) and I in the “4 Simple Steps to Heal Your Broken Heart”.  Jesus is not only our Savior but the Master Coach of our lives.  We will simply open the door of new life of love, trust and faith through coaching as you find your healing in Him. http://renatoamato.com/en/just-4-simple-steps/ and http://healingbrokenhearts.com/4steps for registration.

We begin our Web Retreat on Jan. 7th.  Please register now for our 4-week course of healing your broken heart. 

Brother Ben

NAKEMO

Our Native American Mountain Guide to Riches

Pisgah National Forest in Western North Carolina, that’s where Ian and I searched for treasures earlier this month; our search for riches.  Gold and rubies were waiting for us, we knew full well.  Or, was that so?

Just outside of the Forest, we worked together; I mean, really worked for 6 hours and 39 minutes sifting and sorting through a ton of dirt in search of gold.  We struck pay dirt. That was our find.  GOLD!! Swished, swashed and shaken down, we had it at last!  GOLD!! Not enough to buy a mountain retreat, not enough to buy a pickup truck or even a toy truck I suspect; but it was purity gold in “them thar hills”.   I think that’s where I first heard it, from my Uncle Carlyle who lived in “them thar hills” many years ago.  Or was it my Dad who built roads and cleared power line right-of-ways in the ‘30s with the CCC camp of the Roosevelt era?

The gold, all sorted and sifted was finally really visible as we sifted using the gold miners pan.  The seasoned prospector, Chrystal Jim told us so.  Crystal Jim told us that where we find gold, we’ll find black sand.  Where we find black sand, we will not necessarily find gold. The small vial that we placed the gold specs in was ½ inch in diameter and about 1 inch tall.  Filled with water, the gold settled immediately to the bottom.  All told, it was about 1/32 of an inch from all of that dirt and sand that we sifted.  But at least we had gold and the mine was now able to sell washed and sifted sand that we paid for, washed and sifted.  A good day’s work and a real team effort with our Grandson Ian.  But that’s not where the story in search of riches ends.  In fact, that’s just the beginning.

Nakemo, ah Nakemo… our Indian guide. It was later that next evening while swimming in the hotel pool and listening to the stories rising with the steam of the hot tub nearby that I heard him.  I heard this fellow that seemed to know the territory talking with new found friends there.  Moments passed as I drifted into the pool of water feeling the heat warm my body and spirit following the cool swim with our Grandson.  The other guests of the warm water had left for the refreshing cooler waters of the larger pool.  Nakemo and I exchanged smiles as I asked him, “Do you know the territory here?” As Nakemo began to speak it was clear that he not only knew the lay of the land but was building a new home in the mountains as we spoke.

Our discussion wandered to gold, rubies and other treasures.  At that point Nakemo encouraged Ian and me to take a ride just west of town to Curtis Creek.  His voice was clear;  the real treasures are in the creek bed.  Petrified trees.  That was the real treasure as well as enjoying the cool water’s flow that runs like a living spring.  At that moment I knew we had a hit.  Flowing water, rocks and boulders, and trees that were so old that they had turned to rock; solid rock.  This creek runs for miles winding through the Forest bridled by an old dirt and gravel road off of old highway 70; yes, just due west connecting to the Parkway that runs North and South along the Appalachian mountain range.  You know…the Appalachian Trail.

Curtis Creek is where we really found our treasures.  Quiet solitude with the rush of flowing waters.  Ian asked, “Grandpa, let’s go up higher so the we can talk more philosophically; you know, about life and such.”  This sounded really great to me that our Grandson Ian was seeking a deeper connection.   As we climbed higher, the discoveries were awesome. More on that later as it’s important for us to check in with Ian first.  New treasures revealed.  As we naviagate back to the creek bed, we trusted Nakemo who told us we could take the petrified wood from the creek bed and that would be fine.   And, that we did.  One rock was so big, Ian and I created a rope saddle bag and snaked it from the creek bed with a hundred foot long, 1000 pound load tested  multi-strand rope tied to the truck.  Cranked the engine and put ‘er in double granny low and took off with rocks flying, wheels spinning as we climbed the hill.  That was a real treat.  Getting it out of the creek and up the rise was just the beginning.  Getting it into the truck bed was another feat.  We’ll tell you more of that later on.  Just ask.

Do remember to ASK. That’s where the real story is hiding,  in waiting.  It’s the process of discovery.  Discovery finds its way to the heart.  That’s where you’ll find me.  That’s where I’ll find you…the real you.  Well beneath the surface; peeling back the layers, one skin at a time; one pebble at a time; one rock at a time.  The real beauty; this is where you’ll find you. Your purpose, your values and your sense of creation; and your joy revealed in your passion.  You are divine in creation, you are divine in creating.  Ask, seek and knock! The treasures await.  It’s your choice.  Just ask.

Blessings,

Brother Ben

Who Cut The Cheese on this Saturday morning in early May when Ian and I traveled to the local store for bacon?  While there we peered into the deli showcase and our eyes landed almost simultaneously on Swiss cheese.  We love this cheese not only for its pungent aroma, its scintillating taste but as much the holes that we’re certain little mice had created.

We waited patiently for the person behind the counter to acknowledge us as our mouths watered for the taste of the cheese.  Surely the lady could read our minds and knew that we were ready to sample and buy some of their finely presented cheeses.  Not certain of the delayed response of the deli keeper, I looked her way to let her know that we were interested in her help.  Grudgingly she seemed to move our way as if we were a bother.  She still carried something from her other task as she came closer.

She must have been having a difficult day as she didn’t smile or seem to be appropriately engaged in helping us.  No words, nothing came from her as she stood not facing us directly, still seeming bothered.  So, I spoke and mentioned that we would like some cheese.  Surely she could read our minds, but guess not.  She asked which cheese.  Natural enough question.  But the attitude with daggered sharpness that was pervasive and her apparent lack of customer and human skills left me cold.  So cold in fact, that if frost could arise from my feelings of human separation, snow would have piled around us four feet deep.

In my searching of her face to see some evidence of human kindness or personal desire to help us, I found none.  All that resonated within me was her bitterness, her harshness and her lack of desire to add value to our lives.  In that instant, tasting or buying cheese was not even a worthy thought.  I simply said no thank you and turned away.  As our grandson turned to go with me, it was clear that he was not in tune with my experience as his eyes had been fixed on other show case items.  I can still hear her voice as we turned quickly and walked away.  Emotionally and rationally disconnected we went on our way as we could hear her say, let me help you.  Too late, too much damage had already been done.

In reflection with our grandson, he wanted to know what had just happened.  I shared our experience and he understood.  Though I think he was wondering why grandpa was so affected when all Ian wanted was for us to have a good taste of cheese together. Yes, that cheese… that mouse riddled cheese. It was just the night before that he had caught, toasted on an open fire and served his brother and sister back yard hand caught frogs.  A good piece of cheese could have been his reward for his earlier frog delicacy sacrifice.  J

Now having more time to reflect, it occurs to me that I was not a kind customer nor did I add value to her life.  She may have just had another customer interaction that was equally as disastrous as ours.  Or worse, maybe someone just died in her family and she had mustered all that was within her to be at work that very day.

Questions that arose for me are highlighted here and I know I must take some action to help this person and importantly as well to ask her forgiveness for my thoughtless act of leaving her in my dust.  Speaking of unkind, how unkind of me and how did my poor behavior reinforce her probable thoughts that customers are a pain.   We are you know.  I am one of us.  And, not the least of my concerns is; what is the lasting impact of my negative behavior on our grandson Ian?

Did she have an unusually difficult day before Ian and I arrived?

Was store management an issue?

• Had store management taught the basic skills of customer service?
• Is store management reinforcing customer service skills?
• Is store management measuring and providing feedback on customer service in employee development?
• Was there a staffing issue and she had been called to do more than was possible on her shift?
• Was she in the right slot in customer service?
• Was she overworked?
• Was she under-appreciated?

Are there family issues?

Are there relationship issues?

Are there financial issues?

Is there a sense that she is blaming circumstances for her attitude?

Is there a lack of personal ownership for desired results?

Or, is there a cultural disconnect?

Possibly, am I the problem?

Whatever the issue, I now know that I have at least two apologies and requests for forgiveness. First to apologize and ask for forgiveness for my behavior and reaction with the lady behind the counter.  Secondly the same with our grandson Ian.  Surely some mousy cheese will let him know of my sincerity.  My heavenly Father has already forgiven me for my actions.

So, what have I learned and how will I apply this lesson in my life.  I should be better prepared when asking for help.  This will include being specific in my request so that there isn’t an apparent need for the other person to try to read my mind.

1. May I have a sample of the Boar’s Head Swiss cheese?  The one with the holes in it please.
2. I would like 4 ounces of thinly cut (1/16”) Boar’s Head Swiss cheese Yes, the one with holes in it.
3. Thank you and have a wonderful day.  And, oh, thank you for helping me.

As I think, it’s clear that no one has cut the cheese yet.  We haven’t even begun to taste it.  But, I’m convinced we will.  Now I’m beginning to understand that Cheese Cuts Both Ways.  May I be more loving and kind and not be upset when another person isn’t. Sometimes life gets in the way of goodness.  Or is it that lack of goodness in some ways typifies life, if only for a moment?  Is this another choice?  Yes, and I choose goodness.  Now, let’s cut the cheese!

Did I hear you ask; how do we move forward?  Let’s listen in.

Whorley and Cowboy

Snapshot (Talk with Mac again to fill in story)

Jackson, NC

Moonshine at 9

Father farmed rented land from Grandfather, drank from Friday evening til Sunday night. Dry during the week as he farmed, died in the 1950’s, Mac was 12 years old, Mac is now 58 and he and his wife Clora have been caring for children in their homes for 25 years or so.

Mac has been dry since 1981 when Jesus came into his life.  Drank a little beer from time to time shortly thereafter, but away from the big stuff since ’81.  New Bethel Christian Church off of Old Poole Road is their church home.

Whorley was a North Carolina Highway Patrolman.  That was his life.  Worley was in a wreck and ended up in a wheel chair for 7-8 years.  Then back on the force.  Mac is still puzzled why Worley went back on the road.  Surely he had all the money he needed. Worley loved the adrenaline rush of the chase.  Maybe that was the real reason Worley began again.  He was good at it and loved to do it alone.  One night when he stopped a van, he was shot dead by the passengers inside who were heavily armed.  Whorley made the choice.  Worley rides no more.

Cowboy was a short little policeman on the Jackson police force.  He may have been the only one.  Jackson is a small town with staples only in that town; food, hardware, stuff like that.  Cowboy would keep an eye out for the repeat offenders like a hawk.  He knew who you were, what car or truck you drove and when and where you liked to hang out.  When you left the joint, Cowboy would grab you every time.  He had your number.  You didn’t escape his hawk-like eyes.  There’s more to cowboy than meets the eye.  More on that later after I talk with Mac again.

Mac was telling me about the Neck.  You didn’t want to get caught on the Occoneechee Neck between Jackson and Weldon and need help.  Jackson was 15 miles away, and Weldon was 10 miles in other direction.  If the call went to Jackson, the EMS ambulance had to come the 15 miles and then take you to the hospital in Weldon as no care facility was in Jackson.  You could die before treatment.  Mac remembers walking drunk in the moonlight on the Neck as a young  man.  Mac also remembers that when the moon wasn’t shining, it was so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.  More on that choice later when we talk with Mac again.

You know, beginning to drink moonshine at 9, Mac was well on his way to a habit.  Drinking at 9?  How could that be?  Well, you recall that Mac’s dad drank a bit on the weekend.  What was really going on was that his dad and other men would bet on ball games like the NY Yankees and pour moonshine in this big old pickle jar, you know the big ones like they had in the country store where you’d pay a quarter back in the ‘50’s and get your pickle.  Well this jar could hold gallons of moonshine.  When the game was over whoever won got the pickle jar of moonshine.  Mac’s dad often won and there was always moonshine around.  You guessed it, Mac began to take a sip or two at 9 and this continued on until Mac’s dad passed away when Mac was 12.  Mac kept on drinkin and didn’t let up for many years to come.  Continually giving in with every choice he made.

Mac worked on construction jobs for many years.  But when the Lord got hold of him, his life changed for the better.  Mac’s been dry since then and his wife Clora could not be happier with Mac.  Both Mac and Clora came from large families and they keep the family tradition going with children in their homes every day.

There’s more to the story as you might guess.  Ask Mac to tell you more as he continues to trim his hedges with the chainsaw like trimmer that he uses this very day on those long beautiful hedges along their property lines.  Mac, like you and I has a story to tell.  The story of choices he’s made and will continue to make to live a life of abundance and glory sharing his life at each turn of the road.

We have choices and we own the results just like Mac.  Should we blame circumstances?  Remember it’s our choice.  We may start in one direction but we have new beginnings at every cross road.  Do we see Mac’s road in our own lives?  Are we making the changes needed to be filled with glory, sharing our lives and encouraging others at each bend in the road?  Isn’t it our choice?  Just like Mac, we can make the real life changes in prosperity and bountiful living.

Did you hear the silent questions that changed Mac forever?  Remember, life change is so very often preceded by the question for change.   Mac’s questions in real life were not silent at all!  How about for you; questions, choices and change?  Even tragedy is more often preceded by the question to do, the choice that is made and the lives that are changed forever! Yes, there are always exceptions.  Like the locomotive coming toward you?  But the question, Why were you on the track anyway? Well now, do you think Mac hears his heart now?

Would you like to share your choices you’ve already made leading you to a fuller life?  A life with purpose?  Let’s take that walk together as you write your thoughts here on your landing page.

What’s my Life Purpose? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What are the questions that will to lead me to choices to fulfill my life purpose?

What are my core Values? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What am I passionate about? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What are the choices I’ll make leading me to fulfill my life purpose? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Other thoughts – Remember in the eBook you can just keep on writing.  This truly is your book.  It’s your choice.

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Pluto is Calling

It was a cold winter’s evening several years ago as my memory serves.  Our Grandson Ian was about 5 years old and we found ourselves in our playhouse.  This playhouse was created by us when Ian was about three.  It was a Christmas present.  The ceiling was plenty high and the inside was unfinished plywood.  There was a seat in the back where we often rested our hot chocolate on those cold winter nights as we scrunched down to stay warm.

We had just finished our chocolate and cookies that grandma had prepared for us when Ian exclaimed that he was going to Pluto.  Yes, to Pluto that very evening!  On the front of the playhouse was a porch with access to the playhouse through a Dutch door.  We prepare for launch as Ian locks the lower door and opens the top and climbs over the section that is secure and emerges into the world of fantasy from the imaginary launching pad.  As he plans for the launch, I exclaim Ian, please let me attach a tether to you so that you won’t be lost in space forever!  Ian calmly replies; Grandpa, there’s no need.  I’ll just fire my retro rockets for re-entry. Don’t worry and he takes off into the night skies.  As he sails away, I scream, Ian don’t forget to bring soil samples so that we’ll learn whether life can be supported there! And suddenly he is gone and I see him no more.  I hope for his safe return.

Time passes and Ian re-emerges just as quickly as he left with a smile on his face sharing the glee of his adventure.  I welcome him aboard the recovery vehicle and haul him over the threshold to debrief him and to examine his life-support findings from his trip (He took a sock to collect soil samples and it was truly full.).  His excitement of the travels and avoidance of asteroids and solar particles almost left him speechless.  Finally, he got the sock open and shared with me his findings of Plutonium, and gold and other elements that he’d discovered.  I asked him if he was able to determine if hydrogen and oxygen were on the planet.  He exclaimed, I don’t know and just as quickly said he’d find out and off he went again to explore and then returned minutes later in amazement.  Grandpa, you won’t believe it, I found hydrogen and oxygen on the planet Pluto.  It will support life!  His sock was full of the elements and I explained how hydrogen was useful as a power source as was Plutonium, but safer.  And, that when we mix hydrogen and oxygen (Yes, I gave him the formulae, H²O.) the result would be water.  We shared in the moment of Ian’s adventures and welcomed our next adventure together.     

The morals of this story are many.  Mostly, I see that if we have a vision and have faith; anything is possible.  Our having faith like a child can move humanity in ways we have never dreamed.  Yes, into the heart of God!

Let’s look into our hearts together.  OK?

1.  Did you like this adventure with Ian?   In what ways did you see yourself in this imaginary travels? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Will you share with me your travels? How have you felt as you’ve traveled there?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Coal Mining Town To Star Birth

Is there a Thief in the Night?  That truly may be the best description of the impact of Telling vs. Asking.  Think about the opportunities that you’ve allowed to be stolen from you in relationships and desired results when you continually tell others what to do; telling how you’ve been ham-strung by circumstances, telling others what to think, telling, telling and more telling.  Telling ad nauseam.  You and others just can’t wait for the time to move on and move away from the continual teller.  Or, introspectively; “Am I the teller and not the listener now?”  What you had really hoped for is to build trusting relationships that reinforce the goodness in others and reveal your true nature. Yes, sharing dreams that ultimately culminate in heartfelt understanding as we grow together in this life; building a sense of community; the tribe.  High value, low risk.  How do we get there when the path isn’t clear and when trust hasn’t been established?

Let’s take a step back and ask ourselves this simple question.  What do I expect and then the question, what expectations have I set with others in relationship development?  Or, do I simply believe that the other person can and should read my mind?  What will happen in our relationships if we become clear about what we expect and what we are prepared to give?  What are our intentions?  Yes, early in the development process.  Would it be helpful for us to Listen in on Bob and Mollie for a moment and see how their relationship is working?  Good…glad you’re in it with me as we listen.

As Bob began to share his life of many years with Mollie, recollections of childhood in Harmony, PA came over Bo like a flood.  No dam or spillway to hold back or redirect the waters.  Bob was about 10 as the story goes and his village of Harmony became a central figure.  Harmony was a coal mining town.  Mining was the way of life.  Dirty, dark and dreary.  But somehow Bob rose above the shackles of time and terrain.

As a young lad Bob lived in a small house.  Each house had two families living in them.  Coal mining town you know.  These homes were owned by a coal mining company in Harmony.  Did I mention that the town got its name from the coal mining boss’s wife?  Yep, her name was Harmony.  But there wasn’t much harmony in Harmony.    Bob remembers hearing neighbors cough at night with black lung disease from working in the mines.  Many neighbors were of different ethnicity and often didn’t speak in English.  There were Polish and Italian families close by and many families used alcohol to weather the storms of life.  With alcohol came bitter times as families fought and struggled to make it through the night, next day and to the next payday.

Years later bob enlisted in the Air Force to find a brighter future, leaving the coal mines behind.  Bob really enjoyed learning and sharing the good life finding joy at each turn along life’s road.  Somehow the tough times of childhood had prepared Bob to find good in the difficult.  Leaving the Air Force behind, Bob found his way back to the small town of Irwin just 5 miles from where he grew up.  There in Irwin Bob found work in a bank as a teller.  Turns out this bank was largely owned by its president who had this beautiful daughter named Mollie. Bob’s humor caught the eye of this beautiful and joyous Mollie.  Whenever Mollie would come in Bob would hide behind the counter and pop up to Mollie’s surprise.  After all, it was Bob that she was searching for all the while.  Another reason for Bob’s disappearing act was to hide his smoking from Mollie and the bank’s president. Smoking in the bank was not allowed. But Bob couldn’t hide as his smoke plumes wafted skyward.

During the days ahead, Mollie and Bob became great friends and ultimately intimate lovers parenting a wonderful son and lovely daughter.  Now with grandchildren of their own, vacations on the Florida coast in the winter and a new cottage in the Carolinas, Bob and Mollie could not be happier; loving and growing together as they encourage yet another generation.  Bob gave up smoking years ago and Mollie still laughs at Bob’s jokes.  She’s developed quite a humor as well and plays the piano in ways reminiscent of the bars of old yet with the skill of a concert pianist.  While sharing this story, has it occurred to you what has happened that was a trigger point of this vignette?  Yes, you’ve got it, Bob asked the question. Mollie will you marry me?  Bob didn’t tell Mollie to marry him.  Bob asked!  Don’t the best new beginnings always begin with asking?  Each day as we grow whether as a young child or more mature person of 100 + years, isn’t it always the question that opens the door and paves the road to our destiny?  Often the door of destiny for others?    To discovery?  To new life and relationships?  Don’t we often have an opportunity to tell our story?  Doesn’t it work best when it begins with someone asking?  A star is born.  Yes, the star is the question for it gives birth to star clusters and newer brighter stars continue to be born.  Bob and Mollie are stars too; but without the star question, Bob may have been Bob and not Bob and Mollie.

How do we get there?  Asking, not telling?  Isn’t trust built accretion by accretion, ant hill by ant hill, year by year, experience by experience through the good times and more importantly through the tough times?  Mollie and Bob trust each other.  Do you have people in your life that you trust; people that trust you?  Let’s pause for a moment and write those names in the page that follows.  Then thoughtfully reflect on each name and consider writing a note to them to let them know how you value them and why.

You’ll feel the exhilaration that comes with doing so.  My experience is that you and your trusted ones will be incredibly blest as a result for years to come. Consider asking in closing, “Is there anything that I can be for you that I’m not presently being”?  Notice that I didn’t ask is there anything that I can do for you?  While that should be implicit, the reality is that relationships are born and s strengthened though being, less by doing.  It is your core that is attractive more than anything you can do for someone.  Isn’t that your experience?

Trust Table 1

Trust Table 2

Was one table easier to complete than the others?  Your thoughts are important as you plan your actions to building even stronger relationships.

Reflective Notes:  Would you like a little help as you begin?

1. What is really important to me?  My core, what I value, my strengths, what might I do to be encouraged and to encourage others? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________